Alcohol

This page has my personal opinions about alcohol. But first...there's a story to tell.

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The Story

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On Friday the 18th, Sauza Tequila anointed my modest Vanilla Ice page as their "Harsh Site of the Day" (but they should call it "harsh site of the half-day," since they always seem to change their mind once or twice each day).

Sometime before 10 a.m, with not even half the day gone, "my good friends at Sauza Conmemorativo Tequila" (as they called themselves in their e-mail to me) decided not to link to me anymore.

I suppose my adding a link from the Vanilla Ice page to this new page about alcohol had something to do with the change. (You can read the details about why I created the page and how it all happened.)

Instead, Sauza became more interested in gynecological exams, which I didn't even know were a harsh topic. The harsh site o' the day before mine was some straight info about head lice; so you can see what company my page was keeping over there at their site.

I guess I had them all wrong; I thought they were making fun of people, but actually Sauza seems really interested in health issues -- except when someone like me suddenly mentions a health issue like alcoholism. That scares them off for some reason.

They pulled me after less than ten hours; guess some realities are just too harsh for Sauza. Anyway, that makes me "the Sauza Tequila Harsh Site of the Late Night to Early Morning."

The rest of this page contains what I linked to that Friday -- it's about my feelings about alcohol. I promise it's not too preachy; it starts out serious, then gets not-so-serious, and then gets serious again.

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About Alcohol

I want to share some real quick stuff about alcohol and me. Sauza wanted harsh; ok, here's some free harsh. Start with the grim stuff; statistics from MADD:

• On average, a person dies in an alcohol-related traffic crash every 32 minutes.
• Four times as many Americans were killed in the past decade in drunk driving accidents than were killed in the Vietnam war.

Like Sauza says: Life's harsh. And so's tequila.

(My friend John Restrick told me these statistics are somewhat bogus, so I'll try to get some accurate ones.)

Personally, I don't drink any more, not since mid-94 or so. Here's why:

• History of alcoholism in my family (which led one of my grandmothers to commit suicide).
• Personal embarrassment at the painful and bleary recollections of too many drunken orgies in college.
• My complete inability to keep secrets when I was drunk.
• The total incompatibility between being a self-defense instructor who gets kicked in the head, and the fact that alcohol accelerates brain cell loss (the first warning they gave me in training was not to drink alcohol 24 hours before teaching, or else risk brain damage).
• Dismay at the hypocrisy inherent in the "alcohol and drugs" mindset of the media -- c'mon, alcohol is a drug.
• Alcohol is also a poison. It slowly destroys your liver and many other organs, bit by bit. Your body reacts to it just like other poisons, by passing it from your system, by vomiting it out of your system, by making you pass out if you are still trying to inject alcohol into your body.
• The movie Leaving Las Vegas. I had already given up alcohol at the time I saw it with my friend Ellen -- but it certainly renewed my commitment to not drink.
• I don't like the feeling of being out of control. And being around painfully drunk people can be very annoying. So's cleaning vomit and urine out of my carpet.
• Plus alcohol's expensive and all.

And: I get all confused trying to order wine at restaurants. Is it red wine with lobster or white wine with biscuits and gravy? Is it the 1987 Çhâtéäû Lâ Pôïssón red chardonnay that's good, or should we try the 1993 Boozy Monk Brothers' Gerverstrameenieminymoweiner? I never remember. Easier for me just to skip it.

I never really liked the taste of alcohol anyway. (Except Kahlua, I sort of miss that.)

Being serious again: Children born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) suffer from irreversible physical damage and mental retardation. It's unknown what amount of alcohol consumption during pregnancy is safe. Even a moderate amount of alcohol may cause birth defects.

This excerpt from The Arc's Q & A on FAS sounded particularly "harsh" to me:

[...] the most critical period of the fetus is in the first trimester when the mother may not even suspect she is pregnant. For such women, an early warning system is imperative.

Before I did the research for this page (which amounted to just Web surfing, basically), I had very little knowledge of FAS, or the "sobering" (get it?) statistics on alcoholism, or the prevalence of drunk driving -- so I can thank Sauza for opening my eyes a little wider.

But even before today, I'd always thought alcohol sponsorship of sporting events was particularly reprehensible, along with targeted alcohol billboards in poor neighborhoods. And I can't stand those Absolut ads.

What's my purpose here? I'm just harshing on alcohol and tequila in general, and Sauza Tequila in particular. Mostly I wanted to tweak Sauza a little -- if they use my site as some kind of offshoot of their promotion of themselves, then they deserve whatever they link to. Freedom of the speech, freedom of the Web. Long live the first amendment.

If I hadn't thought their Web site was so smug and self-impressed, I probably wouldn't have bothered. I don't normally speak out against alcohol at all. I never had a particular axe to grind against tequila in particular; my first legal drink when I turned 21 was a tequila shooter. I don't think I've ever tried Sauza Tequila, but I doubt I'd find it anything but harsh-tasting now.

Actually, I think tequila has to be one of the worst kinds of alcohol there is -- why else would they call it "To Kill Ya"? I certainly hear more extreme stories about tequila and vomit or lack of inhibition than other kinds of alcohol.

On the other hand, alcohol in moderation is safe for most people. That's the difference between "use" of alcohol and the "abuse" of acolohol.

(Sauza plays lip service to this with their tiny "Drink responsibly" line at the bottom of ther main page -- where they also warn those under 21 not to read the page, a little too late. Oops.)

There are social advantages to drinking; but also social limitations. There may even be health benefits to wine, in moderation. For my friends who enjoy good wine, for example, I'm very happy for them; I just don't have their sophisticated palates.

I probably should mention that in early college and late high school, I worked for a catering company where I played bartender at various weddings and parties, and I worked at a famous mountain winery. (I was a somewhat pathetic bartender, since I didn't know most of the drinks -- "Exactly what goes into a greyhound, sir?" -- but I could pour beer and open champagne bottles like nobody's business.)

I may as well also admit that I will drink champagne at New Year's, and that I've lapsed once or twice since '94.

So: No judgments here. Most of my friends drink; I don't want you to think I'm making a moral judgment about it if you drink. It's just a personal thing. I'm not in favor of new anti-alcohol legislation or a second attempt at prohibition or anything stupid like that. Just education.

My main purpose for making this page? I just wanted to let you know what I thought when I found out I was a "Sauza Tequila Harsh Site of the Day." Harsh is harsh.

In conclusion:

One side. The other side. Now you decide.

Peace out.

(Thanks a million to Jody Cline for inspiring me to put this harsh response together; and thanks to John Restrick for his thoughtful comments. Also, thanks to everyone who sent me supportive mail and compliments; I'll put together a comments page when I get a chance.)